One thing for sure, at some time in your career, you will encounter some difficult people. That’s also true for those you are working with now, if you are a workforce or career development professional. They will encounter difficult people too. Part of your career development is learning how to get through those situations in a way that you still have your vision and joy! That’s why we are writing this post to our blog. We want you to know three things about difficult people.
The difficult people in your life may be strangers — or they could be some of your best friends. In either case, you have to deal with them. To deal with them well, there are three things — little secrets — about them that you should understand. It’s almost as if they are wearing a sign around their neck with these three things. When you understand this about difficult people, you will be better equipped to deal with them — or at least, to retain your vision and joy after they have departed (to go elsewhere to make someone else miserable). Here goes …
- IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. Really! I know you have heard that before, but when it comes to difficult people, it’s never been more true. Difficult people are self-centered. It’s always about them. It’s about what they want … or what has been done to them … or what they have been deprived of … or something else ABOUT THEM! It is never about you! You only come into the picture to the extent that you are standing in the way of what they want or you are supposed to help them get what they want. Otherwise, you just don’t count.
- DIFFICULT PEOPLE WON’T CHANGE ON THEIR OWN. Not only are they difficult with you, but also, with everyone else too. Wherever they go, that’s where they are — and where the problem is too. Don’t accept the responsibility for changing them or fixing them. Understand they’re not looking for someone who does what you do — they are seeking someone who will give them what they want. Because their behavior is predictable, you can spot them a mile away and be prepared with an appropriate response. Remember, you can’t change them, but you can reduce the time you spend with them by not getting caught up in their little games.
- KEEP YOUR RESPONSE POSITIVE. Difficult people are almost always negative people too. It is likely they will want to engage you in debates or share gossip with you about others. Stick to the positives and don’t debate. Difficult people enjoy wallowing in their misery and making others miserable, so a positive, upbeat response is like poison to them. If you keep it positive, it will soon occur to them that “you just don’t understand”. When that happens, they will move on to a more “understanding” person (whom they can torment).
Here is one final point — and it is an old one (we did not make it up). It has been said that one out of every three people is a “difficult person”. The next time you are in a group, look to your left and look to your right. If you don’t see the difficult person — well, you know!
Have a great day!
The Wall RSS Feed
I so understand this point of difficult people and I am drawn to them for some reason. I consider myself a kind, forgiving and decent person and sometimes I think I’m out trying to save them or persuade them to be a better person than what they are. I don’t know why I am drawn to them. Could it be they make me feel more powerful at times and in control and that’s what I lack? Could it be my lack of self-esteem in myself? The two individuals I am speaking of are my best friends and would give me the shirts off of their backs but can belittle me and make me feel like an idiot in front of people in nine seconds flat and not think they are in the wrong. I try to think it is part of their strong personalities.
There is a common theme that cuts across most of our workforce and career development messages. We don’t often “beat the drum,” but we do rely on this message heavily. In a nutshell, the message is “know who you are”.
Most personal issues — including how difficult people can impact us — at some level boil down to our own personal identity. It is hard to be really secure in yourself unless you have an absolutely crystal clear vision of who you are. It is difficult to take the next steps in your career development unless you know who you are too.
It is not easy figuring out who you are, especially when you are challenged (we are doing that right now, by the way) to narrow down your identity to just one or two words — as if it were your new name. We may do more blogs on this topic in the future. But for now, you are right — these difficult people can cut you down and tear you up. But the more clear your vision is of yourself, the less effective they will be!
Hang in there! Do not let them rob you of your caring heart!
I can relate to this article about difficult people. On a daily basis, I deal with difficult people. One of the best things you can do is to remain positive around them. Try to see the good things, rather than the bad!
I love working with difficult people. I have been through many ups and downs in my career. After the many challenges I’ve faced I enjoy and get real satisfaction out of working with and trying to motivate difficult people. Although not alway’s successful it is quite surprising how being positive can change others behaviors and attitudes.
That is an amazing observation, Jack. And I think you are correct. While difficult people can be … well, uh … DIFFICULT, the truth is, most are emotionally involved in what is going on. If you win them over, you actually have the potential for a very strong supporter and team player.
But still … I don’t always have the energy … HA! Thanks bunches for that one, man! I appreciate you and all the others who take time to comment here! Be blessed!